Embracing my dark side.

This is a strange trip that's not ending yet, but I needed to vent about it.

I had 2 excellent tabs of lsd, which are still acting as I'm typing this. This trip was intense, painful but enlighting, there was so many choices, so many crossroads, so many deceptions followed by a deep and genuine happiness and weel-being. I decided to let go many useless beliefs and people that drag me down and start afresh.

And Jonathan is one of them. I don't wanna hang out with him anymore.

Now.

And for good.

I have neglected myself too much. I didn't care about the red flags rising along the road, about how of a horrible person he really is deep down inside. He was so clingy, he has no respect, for himself or anyone, he pretends he's happy, spiritual, intelligent, mature and kind when he's not, and I really can't stand that.

The trouble started yesterday, long before the trip, already the ambiance was awful but I kept going. Unfortunately he didn't handle his trip well, and that was the final drop. He took 4 tabs of the same very strong lsd I had, which is way too much. With me tripping balls and laughing all the time, the changes of music and the new light system, he started badtripping, but so much it was disgusting. At a moment he was puking and snorting on himself and he was in such a crappy mood I started to feel bad too. I had one thing in mind: leave. So I did. I chose to stand up for myself and intentionally let him down in his mad mess, alone, in order to take care of myself. I also chose to bring back home the ounce of weed he just bought as a compensation.

I looked at him in the eyes while he was trying to crawl on the floor in my direction and puking again before leaving.

Oh the pain.

At this moment, I knew what it was like to break someone's soul and rip it off to sheds.

I loved it.

I embraced this dark side of me and loved it too.

I completely assume what I've done last night because it was fair. It had to happen. Sometimes, your role in someone's life is to give them a huge and really harsh reality check.

But boy was I scared when I left! It was a truly scary situation, at a moment Jonathan had no more self-control and his behavior was so weird it could have been dangerous for me and him, mostly him. Going back home was the good thing to do, it prevented so much drama from happening.

Now that I think about all this I can't stop laughing.

My bad.

I'm always gonna be impressed about how I make things turn my way easily.

What a good way to start a New Year.