Magic mushrooms trip report: You are what you eat

Date: Dec. 19, 2010

Place: Montreal, Canada

Setting: alone in my small and cozy studio, painted all white with a Rising Sun flag on a wall, and everything I might need nearby: a computer with tons of music and movies on it, a comfy futon, fridge filled with fresh healthy food and drinks, library full of books, cushions, pillows and comforters.

I felt like challenging myself that night, so I made a tea with 7g of pretty potent shrooms in about 750 ml of hot water. I let the infusion stand for an hour before filtering the pulp and adding lemon juice and honey to the brew. I ate the pulp in a rolled pizza slice and drank the whole tea, repeating to myself "thank you, thank you..." while sipping on the sweet, flavored liquid. I started having effects in no time, I could feel something powerful was unfolding about 15 minutes after being done with the tea. At first I was in bliss then quickly got smashed by a rush of visions and powerful sensations. I felt like I got swept away by the psychedelic wave and didn't know yet if I was surfing it or not. I told myself "oh shit, it's stronger than I thought" and felt my legs go weak, so I promptly sit down on the computer chair, my head spinning like mad.

I was surrounded by fractals and could see a shape being more and more define in the upper left corner of my field of vision. Then I told to myself: "hey it's Kali, isn't it?", to which the shape replied "yes". I could feel some kind of cocky and haughty feeling coming from her. I said "hi" anyways, and she said "hi" too. I told her I was glad to see her and she said "that's good. Aren't you afraid of me?", which got me wondering what the heck she was really looking for. I looked at her straight in the eyes and said: "no I'm not, because I know who I am."

At this moment I could feel a shift in the energy flow between us, it stopped going from me to her but got the other way around and I then was absorbing HER energy. I got so angry then that I attacked with no mercy, feeding on her as much as I could out of rage and revenge. I was litterally absorbing her, making her weak and desperate to a point I couldn't even imagine was possible. At a moment I just couldn't stand it anymore, reaching a point where I was saturated so I let her go and could hear her scream and cry as she ran away. I felt an increasing powerful vibration in all my chakras, feeling dissolved with each pulsation until I didn't feel my body at all anymore. I was pure Energy, Love and Light. And I was pure Chaos, Hate and Darkness too.

I was feeling reprogrammed, transformed, transmutated into something delightful and sublime, but boy it was painful! I don't know when and how, but I managed to lie on my back on the futon, shaking and panting for air, my body extremly tense with rushes of energy giving it spasms all over. I then heard a voice telling me to calm down, that everything would be alright, and that was enough to make me feel safe so I could surrender and relax. This voice was mumbling something repeatedly, at first it was mere whispers but it got louder slowly but surely. "You are what you eat, you are what you eat...", that sentence kept spinning in circles in my mind until the voice said loudly:

"You are what you eat and you ate Kali!"

At this moment I opened my eyes wide, sit on the bed suddently and said out loud, holding my head with both hands: OMG WHAT HAVE I DONE!? I was more worried about going too fast for my own well-being than for Kali, because I think she really got what she deserved. I kept asking myself disturbing questions about what I'm gonna do, what will I become, etc., for a bit, then told myself that if I was to become a God, so be it. Weirdly, at that point it was about 2 hours after drinking the tea and felt almost sober, super lucid and no more visuals or almost, some mandalas and fractals on the walls, floor and ceiling when I was looking at them but nothing as overwhelming as the beginning of my trip.

For the next 4-5 hours I listened to some music, read a bit, meditated and did some yoga, feeling über good in my own skin. I indulged in some brie cheese, belgian bread and raisins as a snack, took a shower and went to bed. The trip was over and a new Goddess was born.